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CareBear Body Armor from the Glambo Signature Series

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Glambo does not coddle. Oh no! But she knows that there are people out there who are reluctant to engage in some of the noisier endeavors. If you are having trouble getting your friends to come out and play, then you need the Glambo Signature Series Care Bear Package! Included is the Good Luck Bear Molle-compatible modular armored vest, a handy chart for determining if the vest would have stopped that bullet that just tore through your calf muscle, and a first-aid kit stocked with band-aids and tissues with the Glambo exclusive "Sucking Chest Wound Bear" on the front.
A bargain at only $512.95!

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NOTE: This site is a parody for humor purposes only. No actual weapons may be bought on this site. "Hello Kitty" is a trademark of Sanrio, Inc. You're taking the wrong drugs if you think that Sanrio would ever license the use of Hello Kitty for a firearm or weapon of any sort. "Disney Princess" is a trademark of the Walt Disney Company. "CareBear" and "Rainbow Brite" are trademarks of American Greetings Corporation and/or Hallmark. There is no such thing as "Sucking-Chest-Wound Bear." "My Little Pony" and "Easy-Bake Oven" are trademarks of Hasbro. "Martha Stewart Colors" is a trademark of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners. has no connection with and is not affiliated with Sanrio, Inc, Hasbro, Walt Disney Company, Hallmark, American Greetings Corporation, Nickelodeon, Nickelodeon UK, Nick Jr., Martha Stewart, Omnimedia, Inc, Paris Hilton, Mother Theresa, Lady Diana, or, in fact, much of anyone really, especially Dick Cheney who, at no time, was CEO of our corporation or even on the Board of Directors. No, really. Would we lie to you?